December112010

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Food at the Movies

So i went to the movies with collection of pie slices left over from thanksgiving, and the usher said i had to throw out my muti-pie and buy mono-candy from the desk

I’m sorry! I thought this was america! in america i can eat pumkin cake with george clooney because i like to see him in the pictures! this is not china where pie only comes in two varieties, pecan, tastycake, and pie from wawa! this is america!

December102010

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Sometimes i think about the time tasty fish buffet and people took all the oysters so that i couldn’t get some more oysters even though they could see me and i like oyesters.
And i should have been I’m sorry, I thought this was America!  in america, we can eat buffets togethre because lots of people can eat at buffets because theyrs lots of food
this is not china! where the chinese food buffets sound like a good ieda, but they arent because the food is old and chinese and from china.  this is america!

Sometimes i think about the time tasty fish buffet and people took all the oysters so that i couldn’t get some more oysters even though they could see me and i like oyesters.

And i should have been I’m sorry, I thought this was America!  in america, we can eat buffets togethre because lots of people can eat at buffets because theyrs lots of food

this is not china! where the chinese food buffets sound like a good ieda, but they arent because the food is old and chinese and from china.  this is america!

November222010

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Four Loko Banned!!!! »

I’m sorry, I thought this was america!  in america, people can drink what they like, except during the prohibition years, but that’s not really a place as much as a time in the past.

Last weekend, I drink four loko, and you know what, it wasn’t any worse than the four rum and cokes that i had later, in fact, i think those drinks hurt me more than the four loko.

in america, people have certain basic freedoms, and four loko probably isn’t one of them, but doesn’t that mean it’s even more important to protect, i mean, if we only protect the basic freedoms, then what’s really the point of things.

this is not china, or even some kind of russia!  this is america!

November212010

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Man Jailed for Transporting Legally-Owned Gun »

I’m sorry, I thought this was America!  I mean, even in new jersey people should have their freedoms.  and what about the benefit of the doubt?  i think that’s in the constitution, you don’t have to talk to the police, and they give you the benefit of the doubt.  quid-pro-quo, as the britsh say.  is this china, where people can’t even have their guns or move te new jersey unless they buy some guns?  no, this is in america!

November192010

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Chubby Babies Put on Diets »

I’m sorry, I thought this was America!  In America, people are babies when they’re young and they’re also babies.  Babies can’t afford to go to the gym because they would have to special order small running shoes.  I heard in china that the babies are on the p90x, but it america only people on tv are on the p90x.  This is not Russia!  Some babies are allowed to be chubby, fat, and large.

November182010

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Adam Savage Clone Questioned on Flight Because of Tattoos »

I’m sorry, I thought this was America!  In America, some people have tattoos because they can’t afford to get new temporary tattoos each day, i think it’s good that people are forward thinking like that.

Is this China?  Where people can only get tattoos of Mao and Communism and Capitalism?  No, this is in amercia!  and adam savage should probably get his doppleganger under control, but this is not china!

November152010

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Reusable Shopping Bags Found to Contain Lead »

I’m sorry, I thought this was America!  In America, people go shopping, and they put their shopping in shopping bags, but now children can’t eat those bags because they have lead in the bags.  We used to use trees for bags but the trees felt pain, so we switched to plastic but then the plastic texas island in the pacific became a monster like in a michael bay movie so now we all buy reusable bags from trader joes or cvs.  is this china!  our bags come from china, but this is america!

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"He who gives up freedom for safety deserves neither."

- Benjamin Franklin Jefferson, Man of Junk
 

November32010

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Man Sued for Growing Too Many Veggies »

I’m sorry, I thought this was America!  In America, we can grow vegatables if we don’t want to be obese.  I tried growing a pumpkin once in a jar, but it never got good enough to plant in the back yard.  i don’t know if a pumpkin is a vegatable because i know a tomato is, but maybe it is to science.  sometimes science is different than the cookbooks because they classify plants with latin.  Is this china?  Or some kind of russia?  no, this is america, home of the bald eagle and the eagle.  land of oppurtunity and corn, and the opportuniity to grow corn in my backyard!

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San Francisco Close to Banning Happy Meal Toys »

I’m sorry, I thought this was America!  In America, we eat happy meals, and children eat happy meals with spongebob and gumby.  I tried to collect all of the gumbies, but it was hard because i had to get the blockheads twice because they were twins but don’t know if they lived together.  Is this china, where kids don’t even have gumbies?  no, this is america!